Back again are Thursday Rants, things that I am passionate about. Usually, these pertain to tennis. Not always.
I crave affirmation. Here on this website, I feel affirmed when people leave comments. In my classroom, I feel affirmed when people confirm that they have learned something new or had fun. At home, I am affirmed by a hug from my son or an "I love you" from my wife. At church, I am affirmed when someone doesn't sleep through my sermon, or (rarely) takes notes!
When I don't feel affirmation, I'll tell you what I do: I quit.
That's what happened to this website. I was really stressed, had a lot of things on my plate, and nobody seemed to be interested in what I was writing on this website. So I stopped writing. It also happens during the tennis offseason. I get really excited about all the possibilities for open courts, tournaments, taking lessons, assessing strengths and weaknesses. But if no one else gets excited, these things don't happen. I could track a million other things like this in my classroom, home, church, and on and on.
If no one else cares, then I have trouble caring.
I say this not as a way to get a flood of comments (though it would be cool), but instead because I'm ashamed. Well, ashamed is too strong of a word, but I hate the fact that I need affirmation. Well, hate is a strong word too.
What I do not understand is why I can't just do something because it is the right thing to do. In other words, having an open court every Monday morning at 6:30 so we can continue to serve throughout the winter is the right thing to do. It is how we will get better. Even if no one shows up, why don't I just do it? Or having weight-lifting after school so we can grow stronger and can compete with big hitters like Wyatt Stutzman or Steve Blinco and others, that's the right thing to do. Why don't I continue to do it even if varsity players never come?
I want to do the right thing simply because it is the right thing.
So maybe this rant is just aimed at myself. I need to get over my fear, and simply do the right thing.
With that in mind, tomorrow we'll move on to the right question.
How about any of you? Feel like you have trouble doing the right thing, putting in the work, making the sacrifice if no one else is willing to? How do you deal with that?
I completely connect with what you're saying here Matt. Sometimes I feel like my life is a scale where I'll only feel good if the affirmations I'm getting outweigh the negative or indifferent stuff.
ReplyDeleteI for one, do enjoy this blog and it sometimes annoys me how indifferent much of the current team and Bethany in general has become. For example, I was at a couple Bethany home games over Christmas break and I don't think a single person in the student section was even paying attention to the game. That's not the way we did things when I was in school (way back in the old days).
I agree with both of you on the topic of affirmations. I hate doing things if people act indifferent and it comes across as unimportant. Indeed, the student section at home basketball games is piss poor. There was actually a game where there were more people attending from my graduating class than the current senior class.
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